Friday

A lovely start to the day today. The sun burnt off the last of the mist while we were out walking The Dog giving us gorgeous views across the fields to the woodland beyond. The Dog behaved immaculately. No stubbornness on which direction to take or refusals to move at all and she was courteous to all the dogs and people we met. She was a delight to be with on the entire walk.

We got a message from the manager at Lesley’s dad’s day centre when we got back. He was fine and seemed to be getting on better with his new glasses. He’d been a bit equivocal about them yesterday. If these glasses work better for him then we can do what his carers suggested – hide his old glasses so that he doesn’t put them on out of habit.

And so to The Home to see Mum. The traffic was unusually light even for a Friday – no-one seems to work in an office on a Friday now – until I got to the school for Posh Boys in the village where Mum is. It must be half-term or something. There were kids all over the grounds in front of the college waiting to be picked up and cars waiting to get into the grounds lined up in both directions.

The orderly lines of queueing cars were disrupted by a speeding ambulance with Blues & Twos and everything. Perhaps it’s my age but my reaction is always to think “He won’t sell much ice-cream going that fast.”

A few minutes later, I saw the ambulance again. The paramedics were going in the front door of The Home as I parked my car.

My normal protocol – not something I’ve been told, you understand, it just seems the right thing to do – is to act as normally as possible so as not to disturb the other residents and not to get in anyone’s way.

As usual, there was a resident in reception but it wasn’t the usual one. This lady is always very pleased to see me but she’s very confused and anxious too. And she was very much in the way. In the way of people rushing in and out of The Home and of the member of the housekeeping team who wanted to spray everything.

“Shall we go to the lounge together?” I suggested.

“Yes, why don’t you go with this gentleman?” suggested the lady with the aerosol.

“I though it was you!” replied the resident.

After a bit more encouragement I was able to accompany her up the corridor as far as the dining room. Which was where she stopped. Now we were both in the way of everyone.

There was a talk in progress in the dining room.

“There’s a seat in there with your name on it.”

“Is there!?”

Another member of staff helped me get her out of the corridor just as a paramedic ran past.

I carried on to Mum’s room. The atmosphere upstairs was totally different from the mayhem downstairs. It was peaceful and calm. There was no anxiety, no shouting and the telly in the lounge was on at a sensible volume. And Mum was asleep.

Mum had already fallen asleep when I got to The Home on Wednesday afternoon. She had slept all day yesterday. On a normal schedule, she should have been starting to wake up this morning. But she wasn’t. She very much wasn’t. And she looked terrible too. As frail as I’ve ever seen her.

I did manage to wake her up enough to have a few sips of squash but she needed reminding to swallow the last two. I read to her for a while in the hope that she was still able to register the sound of my voice but she was unresponsive again within minutes.

I hadn’t been especially aware of Mum’s breathing since that first week in hospital last year when she was still fighting the pneumonia and sepsis. I was very aware of her beathing today. It seemed too shallow and rapid to be right.

Reggie was too wrapped up in the emergency downstairs to speak to properly but he did say how concerned he was that Mum hadn’t woken up since early on Wednesday and that she wasn’t eating or drinking anything.

When I got back to reception on my way out I could see that the ambulance had gone. I could also see another resident hammering on the front door to get out. I know her but she’s got no idea who I am. Even so, I was able to coax her away from the door and back to where I knew the nearest carers were. I was sure her heightened agitation was down to the emergency earlier. I often see her walking round The Home but she’s never been this anxious before.

“I found her at the front door trying to get out.”

“Thank-you!” said one of them.

The other took care of the resident without speaking to me. I might be being over-sensitive but I don’t think she’s got a very high opinion of me. The first time I met her was just after the transfer from the other home. I was talking to Audrey and she was using some rather ‘industrial’ language. She was a bit taken aback by Audrey’s effing and jeffing and I had the distinct impression that I was getting the blame for being a bad influence.

I made a quick stop at the local supermarket on my way home. I do the shopping as penance for being out visiting Mum every day. I was wheeling my trolley round, minding my own business when I heard someone call out behind me.

“NICK!!”

It was Reggie. He was at the pharmacy counter picking up a prescription for the gentleman that the ambulance had attended for. He looked shaken.

“It’s tough, you know. He’s end of life.”

“Oh Gawd.”

We chatted for a while as he waited for the pharmacist to check and double check the prescription. I told him about the antics on my way in to The Home.

“Who was it?”

I told him.

“Oh. Yeah. That makes sense.”

Then I told him about the antics on the way out.

“And who was that?”

I told him.

“NO! REALLY!! We were talking to her family a couple of days ago and they asked if she ever tried to get out. Juliette and me both said she never tries to. Oh man!”

“Well, you can only tell them what you see for yourself. I think she’d been upset by people running around. She’ll be back to normal tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Probably. Are you in tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I’ll be late though.”

“OK. Text me during the day. We could do a video call so you can see if Iris has woken up before you come over.”

That sounded ominous. Like he thought she might not be. He might be right though. She did look absolutely terrible.

Bloody hell.

Author’s Note

My Mum is in a nursing home in a small village in the Thames Valley. The photo is not of the home. I used an AI image generator to give the reader some idea of the home she’s in.

All, some or maybe even none (you’ll never know!) of the names have been changed to protect privacy and hide real identities. If you think you recognise someone then let me know and I’ll edit the post or remove it entirely