The Inadvertent carer

The Beginning

In 2010, both my parents and both my in-laws were fit and moderately well. By the end of 2013 we had lost my Mother-in-Law to Bronchiectasis and my Dad to a series of heart attacks, minor strokes, vascular dementia and, ultimately, pneumonia. Over the next few years, my Father-in-Law’s health began to fail and he became increasingly dependant on my wife (mostly), a small army of neighbours and volunteers and myself to maintain his independence. In January 2024 the cause of his worsening breathlessness was found. He was diagnosed with Mesothelioma. 

My Mum, though, seemed to sail through without any major dramas until early 2023 when a series of catastrophic events – pneumonia, sepsis and a series of strokes – left her needing medical assistance 24/7 and confined to a nursing home.

The Outcome

My somewhat flexible working arrangements allowed me to be my Mum’s most frequent visitor. Recognising that she wasn’t just my Mum, I wanted to keep my siblings up to date with her progress. A WhatsApp group seemed the obvious answer. Far more convenient than a series of phone calls, texts or whatever.

The record of Mum’s physical and psychological condition turned into a record of her passage through the NHS and Social Services systems and nursing homes too. The staff, patients and residents that I met along the way became my social life so they figure prominently.

Initially, I was experiencing frustration at not being able to work in my planned creative outlets. But I soon realised that providing the record WAS my creative outlet. It was also extremely therapeutic and helped me process and unpack what I was having to deal with.

When the record began to get a wider audience I was encouraged to make it public as it might be useful for people going through the same experience.

Publishing it here seemed to be the obvious first step. If only to explain to people who were expecting to see more wood, stone and photography projects why my social media accounts had gone so quiet.

You’ll find links to each day’s update below…