Friday

Lesley has a friend that she made on her first day at secondary school. They discovered they were twins when the teacher was going round the class confirming names and dates of birth. Lesley was gob-smacked.

“No! You’ve got that wrong! That can’t be your date of birth. That’s MY date of birth.”

Lesley wanted to get over to her friend to drop off her presents before she left to spend Christmas with family in Cornwall because a gift delayed is a gift ruined.

We got all geared up to go and my phone went. The Medical Examiner. The call the undertaker warned us not to miss.

The ME explained why she was calling. New system from September… independent review of case notes… whatever. But the ME was lovely and it didn’t take that long. They’d decided on Pneumonia and Dementia as the cause of death. No shit Sherlock! I’d been told to expect the call in a day or two and this was Day Five.

“Here’s your reference number… It will be with the County Council in around 2 hours. You can make the appointment with the Registrar this afternoon. You can’t go without an appointment and you can’t make the appointment without the reference number so keep it safe..”

“But I thought I had to wait 24 hours for the documents to get uploaded”

“No, it won’t take that long. I’ve just sent the documents now.”

“And the statutory 5 days? That starts now then?”

“Yes but it’s going to be a bit awkward with Christmas next week and your local Register Office only being open two days a week. In practice, so long as you’ve made a booking within 5 days the appointment itself can be later.”

“So I won’t be in prison for Christmas then? My cousin has promised to bake me a cake with a file in it and everything.”

At least she laughed.

I told Lesley we’d better make the booking before we left. It’s all online. I selected the local Register Office office on the County Council website.

“The first available date is the 31st! F*ck that! I’ll look at the office that’s near your dad… F*CK! They say it’s in the New Year!”

I went back to the local office and suddenly next Tuesday was available. So I took it. I bet some other poor sod was doing the same thing as me. They dithered about picking Christmas Eve and let it go.

I carried on with the booking…

“Have you got a reference number from the Medical Examiner?”

Yes

I had the number all ready to enter on the next screen but I never got asked for it. All they were concerned about was getting me to pay for the death certificates.

We were concerned so phoned them up.

“I’ve made an appointment to register my mum’s death…”

“What’s your name?… Yes, I can see it. Tuesday at 11… It’s for Iris? Yes, We’ve got her records from the ME..”

“But how did you know? I haven’t been able to give you their reference number…”

“Oh, we never use their number. It doesn’t always work. I use the deceased’s name instead”

WTF!!!

We were just about to go out when Lesley’s phone went. Social Services about Dad. It was a pre-assessment meeting assessment interview. That took an hour plus.

Then the phone went again. Undertaker this time.

“Have you had the call from the ME?”

“Yes. A couple of hours ago. We’ve got an appointment with the Registrar but it’s not till next week”

“Good! Do you want to book a date for the funeral then?”

“But we haven’t got the forms you need yet!”

“Don’t worry about that”

“But you said…. Never mind… What dates have you got?”

We never did get out. We had a curry delivered instead.

Author’s Note

My Mum is in a nursing home in a small village in the Thames Valley. The photo is not of the home. I used an AI image generator to give the reader some idea of the home she’s in.

All, some or maybe even none (you’ll never know!) of the names have been changed to protect privacy and hide real identities. If you think you recognise someone then let me know and I’ll edit the post or remove it entirely