Friday

I didn’t visit Mum today. The Black Dog has got me. No, I don’t mean this one.

I should’ve been out to see how the roads were to let Eldest Sister know how difficult her journey would be on her planned visit on Sunday. Flooding round here made my journey to The Home on Thursday a bit of a nightmare with The Bridge closed. The floodwater round The Home itself looked like it was still rising. It made for some nice photos but it could prove awkward.

I should’ve phoned The Home instead to find out how Mum was. She should’ve been asleep today going by her schedule and how she was yesterday evening. It would’ve eased my worries if I’d known that a visit wasn’t necessary. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I knew Reggie wasn’t working today. If he’d been in I could’ve managed a quick message to him but not being able to pick up the phone and actually speak to someone is quite high on my list of Bad Mental Health Indicators.

I nearly went early in the afternoon but I got sent on another errand. Since getting The Dog I have been wearing out walking boots like nobody’s business. I’m out walking her two hours a day every day.

“There’s a Black Friday sale on in town. Go and get yourself a couple of pairs.” I was told. I didn’t have it in me to argue. Frankly, I went just to get out of the house and avoid an argument.

“I’ve got a pair. Just the one though. Down from £80 to £30. There wasn’t an awful lot of choice there. They hardly had any bigger than size 10 and the top end ones were shockingly badly made. They didn’t look like they’d last more than a week… What do you fancy eating tonight?”

“Don’t know.”

Not the most helpful reply but then Lesley’s really struggling too right now. Her dad is being difficult: he’s had a fall recently, isn’t eating or drinking enough and says he can’t hear anything despite having his ears cleaned and hearing aids repaired. One of the carers is being difficult: she won’t do things and won’t turn up at times that suit him or us. Lesley’s sister is being difficult: she questions everything Lesley says and does.

Shopping in Waitrose was hard. I didn’t know what I wanted which was a bad start. When I did think of something I didn’t know where anything was. When I did think of something and found where it should be, they didn’t have it. If they did have it, my reaction was “How much!!?”.

After wandering round the shop for an eternity it dawned on me that you’re only allowed to park for free for 90 minutes and I couldn’t remember when I’d arrived. The penalty for overstaying is well over a hundred quid.

Bloody hell.

I got home, cooked dinner and we picked a movie. Great cast, terrible movie. I found a book instead. I got this in 2019 and it helped then.

Bibliography

Journeys with the Black Dog: Inspirational Stories of Bringing Depression to Heel

Kindle Edition

by Tessa Wigney

Author’s Note

My Mum is in a nursing home in a small village in the Thames Valley. The photo is not of the home. I used an AI image generator to give the reader some idea of the home she’s in.

All, some or maybe even none (you’ll never know!) of the names have been changed to protect privacy and hide real identities. If you think you recognise someone then let me know and I’ll edit the post or remove it entirely