Thursday

Lesley’s dad had a better start to the day today. The lady from his day centre who should be doing his housework got to him a couple of hours earlier and was there in time to help him have a bath and get dressed. Then she prepared his breakfast for him. The only difference between her and the two professional carers is that she’s not confident giving him the super painkiller. They’re used to it and keep records like they would if they worked in a nursing home. But then they would. Because that’s what their main jobs are.

I took advantage of Reggie’s offer to give me a sit-rep on Mum before setting off for The Home. Mum had been at the ‘Here. Take This. We’re Leaving!’ phase of her Sleepy/Active cycle yesterday evening as per normal. What wasn’t normal was that she was neither physically hyperactive nor showing any sign that she was becoming at all sleepy.

According to the current schedule she should have been Asleep & Unresponsive today. I’d had a sense that her schedule wasn’t running normally this time around though.

“How’s Mum doing today? Has she gone to sleep yet?” I WhatsApp-ed.

 “Mum is fine today. She is still awake shouting and calling your name”

He followed that with a crying with laughter emoji which I thought was unnecessary.

“On my way!”

The drive to The Home was horrendous. We’ve had a lot of heavy rain recently but today it was biblical. It’s only 40 metres from the car park to the front door but I was soaked. I was greeted by the manager who handed me a warm towel after I’d signed in.

I knew straight away that Mum didn’t know who I was. There were plenty of Other People in the room with us and it was clear that she found them far more interesting and entertaining than I was. I’m used to that now. It only got awkward when the Other Person she was talking to was standing very close to me. I answered what I thought had been a question directed at me. She just gave me a funny look and said

“NO!! Not you!!”

But she was quite cheerful and comfortable all the time I was there. Mostly cooperative too. She had a good go at finishing a cup of tea and a tiny blueberry muffin. Everyone who came in to check on us told me how well Mum was drinking today.

So while Mum was happy, Eleanor most definitely wasn’t. She was having another bad afternoon. The conversation I was having with Mum was competing, and not always winning, against the shouting from the lounge.

“Where’s my money!?… I haven’t got any money!!… Who’s taken my money!!”

And then

“Where are my children!?… I can’t find my children!!… Where have my children gone!?”

And then

“Where’s all my stuff gone!?”

The staff and even the other residents did their best to calm her down. Eleanor accused Brian of taking her money. Audrey told her he most definitely hadn’t. When Reggie passed Mum’s room I stopped him and told him that the last time Eleanor had been upset about money I’d told her that the manager had got it locked away in the safe to stop anyone pinching it.

“Oh! That’s a good one! I’ll try that!”

He didn’t have the same success that I’d had. She told him that he was a liar and that she didn’t trust him. I’ll have to refine my story a little for the next time I need it.

And Mum just kept talking. The Other People in the room with us today were Uncles Tony and Eric plus a couple of others who remained unidentified. To me at least.

Lesley sent me a message which asked how we were doing but which really meant if I had any idea when I was coming home.

“She’s sure to ask where somebody or other is soon. “Hang on there Mum and I’ll go and see if I can find them” is my Get Out of Jail card.”

On my way out I met the manager again. I thanked her for the towel I’d been given when I arrived. She told me that Mum’s weight loss had got to the point where the GP had been notified. Short of force-feeding her, there’s very little they can do.

Bloody hell.

Author’s Note

My Mum is in a nursing home in a small village in the Thames Valley. The photo is not of the home. I used an AI image generator to give the reader some idea of the home she’s in.

All, some or maybe even none (you’ll never know!) of the names have been changed to protect privacy and hide real identities. If you think you recognise someone then let me know and I’ll edit the post or remove it entirely