Thursday

Not sure what happened today. Time just got away from me.

Lesley had planned to go out for lunch with friends she’s known since her first day at Secondary school.

Should have been no big deal. All being well she should have been home in time for me to get to Mum at a reasonable hour. However, it was not to be.

Lesley’s dad didn’t have an early morning visit from his carers this morning as their shifts in their main jobs didn’t fit. But he was due to get a visit from the lady from his day centre who helps with housework. I don’t know what qualifications she has to work as a carer but she’s already let it be known that she wasn’t comfortable administering Dad’s pain management meds.

Should have been no big deal. Just pop in on the way to meet her friends, measure out his meds and go on her way. But he’s had an upset stomach this week and Lesley found his bathroom towels were dirty. A laundry load was set going even though his is the world’s slowest ever washing machine.

Should have been no big deal. Just pop back in after lunch to take the towels out for him because he’s no longer strong enough to lift wet towels or stable enough to bend over to reach them.

On her return from lunch, Lesley thought she’d have a quick look in the carer’s notebook. They leave notes for each other on how Dad likes things done, where things are kept and so on. But they also note what he has and hasn’t allowed them to do.

And that’s where Lesley’s day completely unravelled.

She got home late, dehydrated, hungry and furious. A pot of tea, dinner and a walk with The Dog was needed.

By the time she’d calmed down it was gone 8pm

“Oh God Nick! You haven’t been to see your Mum yet!”

“Bit late for that now. Not to worry. The way this week’s been going she’ll be nattering with all her Other People and won’t know who I am. Either that or she’ll be asleep.”

To be honest, I don’t think I’d have gone even if I’d expected Mum to be completely lucid. I was worn out by Lesley’s frantic WhatsApp messages during the day and by the account she gave when she got home. Dad really has got a special talent. Not only does he exhaust the person with him but he can exhaust people remotely too. I can have my day ruined by proxy.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this. You only have to Google ‘How to deal with a toxic family member’ to realise that.

I was upset by missing a visit but it quickly dawned on me that that was mostly because I’d broken a streak that had started when Mum moved to The Home last summer. I’d visited her every day, sometimes twice a day, unless someone else was visiting or I was sure she’d be asleep all day.

Missing a day today was more my problem than it was Mum’s. I hoped that would help me let it go.

Author’s Note

My Mum is in a nursing home in a small village in the Thames Valley. The photo is not of the home. I used an AI image generator to give the reader some idea of the home she’s in.

All, some or maybe even none (you’ll never know!) of the names have been changed to protect privacy and hide real identities. If you think you recognise someone then let me know and I’ll edit the post or remove it entirely