Wednesday

Even though Lesley hasn’t had much contact with her sister since their dad died, Lesley is still processing the conversations they’d had while sitting with Dad during his final hours.

Dad has one surviving sibling. His youngest sister is, obviously, not in her first flush of youth and has been unwell for some time. Plus, she lives way up north as do the rest of the family. As much as she wants to come to the funeral, it really isn’t a sensible idea. As far as I was concerned, the answer was simple – stream the service so she and everyone else up there could witness it without spending a day in the car each way. It’s not as if it’s a big deal to do. The crematoria are set up to do it and it’s almost the default to stream services. You practically have to ask for it not to be streamed if you don’t want it.

But when presented with the option, Lesley’s sister had vetoed it instantly. Wouldn’t entertain any discussion or give any explanation.

Whenever the topic had come up in conversation before I’d said that I thought it was cruel to exclude them all like that. Dad’s sister in particular was devoted to him and she was the least able to make the journey down here.

“I know. But she just won’t have it.” would be Lesley’s response.

Lesley was clearly ruminating about something on The Dog’s afternoon walk and then, out of nowhere, she expressed her surprise that her sister had watched the stream of their cousin’s funeral a couple of years ago and she’d been appalled at seeing their aunt collapse at the sight of her son’s coffin.

“It’s supposed to be a funeral, not a spectacle.” she’d said.

“Aaah! That makes more sense now. I can see why she wouldn’t want the service streamed.”

It was the first time I’d heard the story and the first time I’d had any inkling why streaming was such anathema to her.

“So do you forgive her then?”

“No. Of course not.”

Fairly or unfairly, my first reaction was that Lesley’s sister was concerned about broadcasting a spectacle because there was an odds-on chance that she herself would be causing the spectacle.

Not streaming the service wasn’t the only decision that Lesley’s sister had made that had all the appearance of intentionally excluding Dad’s family. She’d even said at one point…

“I don’t know them. I don’t understand why they want to come.”

Lesley had said that while they were talking at Dad’s bedside she had reminisced about family history and stories that had become legend.

“How do you even know that!?” her sister had said.

“Because I talked to them and asked them!”

Obvious really.

Lesley gave more detail why her sister didn’t know them or anything about them.

“We used to go up and see the family at least once every year and we’d spend at least a week with them. I loved asking what things were like when Nana and Granda were young, all the stories about aunts and uncles being naughty when they were little. But her! She’d just sit in a chair, silent and sullen. She resented every second we were there. Couldn’t wait to get away.”

Bloody hell.

Author’s Note

My Mum was in a nursing home in the Thames Valley for a year and a half until she passed away in December 2024. My Father-in-law went into the same home the following January. But Lesley’s sister didn’t approve and made the situation so awkward that he had to be moved. He passed away in March 2025. Names and locations have been changed or hidden to protect the identities of those involved.

Image Credit

Original Image by Nick Gilmore. Extracted from the archive in 2024.