So this journal entry is the first since early March 2020. Why so long?
This journal was intended to record my route out of full time employment, out of a long-standing depression, to record my missteps and to help plot a path to a more creative and fulfilling future. Well, turns out that the depression wasn’t a thing of the past. Not that I thought it would be. I just didn’t appreciate how soon it would be back or how deep it would be.
So what did I allow to block me? Getting a dog was one thing. She’s a lot more of a handful than we appreciated. We knew that there were ‘issues’ as she was from a rescue and we were warned that she’d had a difficult start in life. Covid-19 was another thing. Lockdown was a lot more difficult to deal with than I had appreciated. Not that I was interacting with the world in any complex way you understand but having been used to convenience shopping for groceries where a round trip to a high quality supermarket for each day’s needs could be completed in under half an hour I found it hard to adjust to planning ahead for a few days in advance and then enduring the queues, the lack of stock and the idiots who had no clue what social distancing meant.
I’m also embarrassed to say that technology got in the way. That’s hard to admit after having spent my most productive years at senior levels in IT. I’d selected Divi to make working in WordPress easier. The online ads with gorgeous young professionals creating blindingly beautiful websites with just a few clicks was extremely alluring. As I should have known, working with a tool that is so capable and powerful requires a bit of a learning curve. It’s been a bit steeper than I’d appreciated.
Anyway, enough of the blockers. Let’s just f*ck this sh*t and get on with it.